Domestic Violence: Where to Begin?
It seems that as of recent, we have been inundated with reports (or speculation) of domestic violence in the media. With news of Chris Brown’s two felony domestic violence charges, the no-contact order violation by George Henderson, chief of Whatcom County Fire District 18, and the deaths of Ferndale residents Laura Mcqueen and her son Dominic Blackburn, “domestic violence” (DV) is a term that keeps coming to the surface. This leaves many to wonder about this often-hidden but all-too-prevelant issue.
What is domestic violence?
The definition as given by the WA State Coalition Against Domestic Violence is: A pattern of coercive tactics-including emotional, physical, sexual and/or economic abuse-that adults of adolescents use against their intimate partner to gain or maintain power and control over them.
Who are the victims?
Victims of domestic violence cross all socioeconomic, ethnic, gender, racial, sexual orientation, educational, age and religious lines.
How often does domestic violence occur?
It is difficult to know exactly how often domestic violence is occurring, as it primarily happens behind closed doors and is often not reported to the police. Here are some statistics that may help understand how domestic violence affects our community and beyond:
- On average, more than 3 women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the U.S. every day. (Bureau of Justice Statistics)
- In 2001, women accounted for 85% of victims of intimate partner violence, men accounted for 15%. (Bureau of Justice Statistics)
- Between January 1997 and June 2008, 430 people were killed by domestic violence abusers in Washington State. In 12% of DV homicides, the abuser also killed one or more children. (Washington State Domestic Violence Fatality Review)
- In 2006, 1,133 incidents of verbal abuse occurring in Bellingham alone were investigated and reported. Note: Keep in mind that domestic violence is also severely under-reported. (Bellingham-Whatcom County Commission Against Domestic Violence)
- Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services of Whatcom County (DVSAS) serves an average of 3,000 victims each year, including women, men, youth, and children. (DVSAS)
Over the next month, we’ll explore a variety of topics, including:
- What can I do to help someone affected by domestic violence?
- Why do victims sometimes stay in abusive relationships?
- How do I know if I’m in an abusive relationship?
- Are domestic violence and substance abuse related? How?
Let’s start off by exploring the causes of domestic violence: Where do you think domestic violence come from? What attributes to it happening? And, how do you see domestic violence affecting yourself and your community?
Please keep in mind that if you are reading these blogs and decide you would like to speak with someone about domestic violence or sexual assault, you may call the DVSAS 24-hour hotline at (360)671-5714 or visit www.dvsas.org for more information.
March 17th, 2009 at 8:16 am
I was older when I was involved in domestic violence. He had a way making me feel sorry for him afterwards; which is not my normal reaction. If anyone dares try to hit and me that will be the last; but this guy somehow always made me feel sorry for him(I don’t understand that to this day).
Anyway, it went on for a few months and then I realized he was just having fun and I had him arrested and charged and believe it or not many people defend men who beat up on women; especially their family.
I just came to a point where I could careless about what anybody thought or felt and I had to take care of me. Please remember in life YOU HAVE TO BE NUMBER ONE ON YOUR OWN LIST BECAUSE YOU WILL BE NUMBER TWO ON EVERYONE ELSES.
March 20th, 2009 at 8:27 am
I believe all of us have an inborn urge to fight. But what’s important is how do we control negative feelings that we all have. Anger doesn’t have to be uncontrolled.
The saying, “Do as I say do not as I do” is all to prevelent in our society. I believe that domestic and any other type of violence can be addressed in raising our families. Fear is often a motivation for violence of any type. Fear of losing, failure, the unknown, not meeting ‘Expectations,’ so much stuff. But as parents and members of the village/neighborhoods that’s where we start. New parents think about what values you want instilled in your children, then live them.
The outside influences will not have such a great and lasting effect if we model what we want our children to learn. I don’t believe we spend enought time on training and prevention of abuse as we do in the after effects of punishment. By then it’s like a revolving door, that could have been closed.
March 23rd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Where does domestic violence come from? Alfred Hitchcock commented that the problem with contemporary movies is that people murder each other without having been properly introduced. To understand the origins of domestic violence, perhaps one should being by reading the book of Genesis in the Bible. Tthen one should read the unexpurgated Greek myths, i.e. Did you know that Zeus and Hera were not only husband and wife, but brother and sister and that Zeus murdered his father? Then perhaps you should read all of the plays of Aeschylus. (The greatest is the Agamemnon in which Clytemnestra murders him (her husband) in the bath). Move on to all of the plays of Sophocles, especially, Oedipus Rex. And finally all of the plays of Euripides. I have often thought that an excellent term paper would be to compare and contrast Euripides’s Medea and Whatcom County’s domestic and family courts. Next move on to such works as Hamlet, King Lear, MacBeth, (remember the King is a father symbol and consider the MacBeth’s childlessness), Othello, Julius Ceasar (many believe that Brutus was Ceasar’s son, et tu Brute), and then last but not least, the Brothers Karamazov of Dostoyievskii, (I believe the illegitimate son, Smerdyakov is the son who in reality killed the father). Then and only then might you have the temerity to begin to ask the questions,k ‘where does domestic violence come from?”
March 26th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
DV is all about control.
The same kind of misguided control that deletes comments unfavorable to the status quo.
You don’t know anything about the realities behind DV until you’ve lived it,
and not just read about them in your handbook.
I could tell you stories about counselors, advocates and cops that would curl your hair and you’d simply delete every word.
Just like an abuser does.
April 7th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Citizen,
Thanks for pointing out that some comments don’t come up immediately. I have to log-in to approve every comment before it will show up. If there is something in the comment I want to respond to, it may take awhile for me to approve it while I formulate a response. It is not useful for me to approve comments about the “system” not helping anyone, when in fact our agency alone sees over 3,000 victims (both male and female) each year. It simply furthers the belief that no one is out there to support victims, when in fact there is.
April 9th, 2009 at 4:48 am
If you want to see a reader’s feedback
, I rate this article for 4/5. Decent info, but I just have to go to that damn yahoo to find the missed pieces. Thanks, anyway!
April 10th, 2009 at 1:49 am
I began reading a book that really shook me but lined up with my thoughts that violent behaviors are passed on from generation to generation. It’s called “For Your Own Good”, by Alice Miller. I wasn’t able to get very far in the book because it was too hard for me to emotionally take it all in. But it talks about a time when parenting books were all about repressing children and how to do so with force…these were the instruction manuals given to parents! It’s incredibly sad, but to me, it also really shows how far we have come. My parents used a lot of force and anger in raising us, but I can look back and see that they were actually making a change from the way their parents had raised them! So, although, it was hard for me, they were hero’s because they brought me one step closer to breaking the cycle.
Anyhow, the book is very thought provoking, but hard to read. Check it out if you have the heart for it.
April 11th, 2009 at 12:06 am
This has been a very interesting month reading your blogs.
Thank you for providing so much helpful information. I hope it helps.
- Sue
April 11th, 2009 at 12:18 am
Hi again, Jenn!
You mentioned in your April 7 comment how time consuming it is for you to respond to all the posts in your blog. Excluding mine (all both of them!
) , and yours, I counted 6 comments that have been posted since March 17th.
Could you please tell me where the rest of them are?
Thanks again!
- Sue
April 11th, 2009 at 12:46 am
I was referring to the fact that comments need to be approved to show up and ones that require some sort of response from me may take a bit to respond to. I was working from out of town for awhile with limited internet access for awhile making it difficult to promptly reply. The post I put on April 7 was in response to someone who noted that I wasn’t approving and responding to comments in a timely manner. However, now I am back with full access to the internet, meaning I can now check several times a day and respond to comments sooner (this is why there was a whole slew of responses from me at once…it was when I returned from being out of town).
April 11th, 2009 at 12:51 am
Thanks Jenn!
(Wow! That’s what I call a quick response!)
- Sue
April 11th, 2009 at 1:02 am
Jenn,
You said that comments need to be approved to “show up”.
Do you mean to say that the Herald screens comments before submitting them to you for a response?
April 11th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Nope, it just means that as the blogger, I have the option to approve or unapprove comments. Unapproving would really only be done if something was very inappropriate, threatening, unrelated, or was spam.
April 11th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Thanks Jenn.
I’ve often wondered about the Herald’s part in the guest blogs.
I appreciate you taking my question seriously.
And for the work you do.
April 18th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I was told *by the police* that if I wanted to press charges against my abuser, they’d automatically press charges against me.
And you all wonder why we don’t report abuse?
The police *do nothing* to help us.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:20 am
Inundate…
It seems that as of recent we have been inundated with reports or speculation of domestic violence i [...]…
May 21st, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Domestic violence is has been at pandemic proportions for many years now. What may shock some people is the fact that it maybe going on right next door! Simply, turning a deaf ear and a blind eye is not solving this. And I do understand that most victims involved in domestic violence are socially withdrawn. However, we need to try and reach them. I would suggest that every one of us learn the national domestic violence hotline number (800-799-safe) and visit the site to get more information. All individuals involved in domestic violence (the abuser, the victims and children who witness these episodes of violence) need help. What happens when one victim gets away and the attacker goes out get into another relationship and abuses another victim? We need to get to persons involved before a life is loss. I have produced a video clip to help shed light on domestic violence http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBYfn1BP0fY