Practice makes perfect. I know this from being a teacher and seeing the value of practicing various academic skills. I know this from watching students rehearse for performances. I know this from watching video clips about Olympic athletes. I know this from watching my son practice the piano. This is why I am a huge advocate for parents helping children rehearse behaviors that need to be changed.
One family I worked with had a child who often threw tantrums when asked to stop playing to pick up toys or to go somewhere. They came to me wanting to change this behavior. They explained that they had given consequences and nothing had seemed to work. I wanted to make sure that their kindergarten-aged son had a clear sense of what their expectations were. Sometimes we are very clear as parents what we don’t want, but we aren’t clear about what we do want. Stating with words to young children may not be clear enough – but helping them rehearse a behavior can really help them have a clear understanding of our expectations.
I advised them to choose a good time to rehearse – not a time when they are having difficulties, but a time when things were running smoothly. So on the way home from school one day, the mom explained how when they got home they were going to play a little game. They were going to rehearse toy pick up. So together, they said “Take one!” and the mom pretended to be the son and the little boy told her it was time for dinner and time to pick up toys and the mom said “Oh, I wish I had more time. But it’s time to clean up.” And then she showed how she could make clean up playful and fun. She drove the cars into the toy box and she made a contest with herself to see how many blocks she could carry at one time to the toy box. Then after cleaning up quickly, she reported to the dinner table with a great big smile.
Then she told her son it was his turn to rehearse. So they got the toys out, and said “Take two!” and then she told him it was time to clean up for dinner and he picked up his toys quickly and playfully and with a great attitude. She made a great big deal out of this and shared how wonderful this was to see him being so responsible. She emphasized how grown up he must feel. She tried to encourage a sense of pride in this accomplishment. Then they took the toys out again and she said “Won’t it be fun to show Dad what you’ve learned when he gets home? Do you want to rehearse it one more time before he gets home or do you think you’ll be ready for the real clean up time?” To her surprise, he said that he should rehearse it a few more times before Dad got home! So about every 20 minutes, she would tell him it’s time to clean up for dinner with “Take three!”, “Take four!” and “Take five!”, he just got better and better at doing this and each time he felt really proud and really ready to show his dad. So when his dad got home, the son whispered to his mom, “No more rehearsals…let’s wait until dinner time to show Dad!” Dad had been secretly apprised of the situation by Mom, so when it was time for dinner, they made sure that Dad did the asking for cleaning and that he was there to observe and notice what was going on. He indeed acted surprised and amazed…and then he did such a smart thing: he asked, “How did you get so good at cleaning up your toys?” He helped his son see the value of practicing something to get better.
I have seen this work with many families. One family rehearsed getting ready for school on a Saturday morning. One family rehearsed going to time out. Another family rehearsed table manners during a pretend tea party with stuffed animals. We can make practice fun and productive. And we can teach our children one of life’s greatest lessons: when we aren’t good at something, we can improve greatly when we practice, practice, practice!
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I love this reminder (practice, practice, practice) We often forget how good children are and need to occasionally be reminded that they reflect what they learn and practice.